We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
