Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
