At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize