i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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