did you get engaged???
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have feelings that need drinking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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