my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
