I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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