She's like a pop up book from hell.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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