flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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