scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
