She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
