remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
