Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A+ Viking dick
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
