Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
