That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
