Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
