So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
