she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
