Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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