I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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