Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
