Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
