And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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