i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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