Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
