I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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