I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
