I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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