I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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