If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
