you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
