she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
