Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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