TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
