Sry I called you an 8
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
