I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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