I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
time to smoke my breakfast
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
