I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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