I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
