just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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