i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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