why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
