I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
