If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
