Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
