Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
