Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Houston, we have a blender
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
