the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
