I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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