Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
