Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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