I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
