then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
